I hear people say that children are in decline and the solution is “structure”. “Structure” is the only word they always use.

I question that children are in decline. Most of the ones I’ve met, beyond developmentally appropriate perspective deficit moments, are a pleasure to be around when they are treated with dignity and kindness.

I don’t question the value of “structure”, but I do question what people mean when they say it. It seems to me that, before I put up a trellis, I ought to have an idea of what shape I want to grow the plant. Often, when people say “structure”, I think they mean rigorous time management and behavioral control by authority figures. I think this makes sense if I want to rear soldiers to stand in line and shoot across fields at one another, or stand on a line performing repetitive tasks, but if I prefer kind, flexible, thoughtful, moderate, assertive, loving children, it seems an odd approach.

It has been my observation that we become that to which we are initiated.

What sort of world do I believe I am initiating my child into?