Social norms make life simple. They say, “this is what is right and proper. If you do this, you are good. If you do that, you are bad.” Simple can be good. Simple allows us save the energy of constantly having to consider. Consideration can be exhausting. When people say, “I hate political correctness.” I think what they mean is, I hate having to constantly consider how to behave.

Social norms interfere with individual authenticity. They say, “forget who you feel you are. Be the person the the people around you expect you to be. Meet their expectations. Don’t put them in a position that requires them to think too hard about who you are, what you might do, how they might make you feel.”

I hear people say “I hate political correctness.” I think what they mean is, they are too exhausted by the demands their incredibly busy and stressful lives place on their cognitive bandwidth to spend time thinking about the impact their words may have on people who don’t conform to their expectations. I think they are too tired to consider the world from multiple perspectives and adjust their behavior accordingly.

I also think it’s threatening to have our own social norms challenged by someone else’s social norms. If my social norms are working for me, and your social norms contradict my social norms, learning a whole new set of social norms seems like an awful lot of work, and I’m already tired because life is hard, and I’m just trying to get through it.

Life is easier when you have a script to follow.

Learning a new script is a lot of work.

I think in all societies there must be tension between the the individual’s need to be authentic and society’s need to inform and predict the behavior of the individual.

Diverse people invent diverse solutions, and diverse solutions often lead to better outcomes. But those better outcomes require so much patience; so much listening; so much effort. I’m already tired from the demands of my days.