I am not making eye contact.  I have not made eye contact since you wrestled my attention from the important thing I was working on.  I am making halting torso movements toward my project.  My gaze bounces as I nod and mhhmmm as unconvincingly as I possibly can.

WHAT PLANET ARE YOU FROM?!?! Nobody talks this close.  This is very uncomfortable for me.  Stop playing the Labrador Retriever to my tabby cat.  Seriously, have you been eating poop?  The analogy was not meant to fit this well.

How do I make you go away?  Is nobody seeing this?  Somebody please come save me.  An emergency – I don’t care how contrived.  Please. Cowards!  I know you all see this!

Why do you have to be the same gender as me?  I really have to go to he bathroom, but you’ll follow me and ruin it.  You’ll talk to me while I’m crouched – open and vulnerable (by the way, I don’t think toilets have gotten taller along with people).

You’re leaving. Oh, thank you, sweet nine pound eight ounce, gurgling, pooping, beautiful Baby Jesus (and you too Will Ferrell).  Now, what the heck was I working on…?