daydreams

I think time is not a brittle line.

I think we perceive a static past and uncertain future, but , to me, time seems more likely to be dynamic. Past, present and future forever in flux. Perhaps, like water, time pools or flows, but I doubt it exists indelibly before a certain point and fluidly after that point, the way I experience it.

I suspect that my momentary perception of past and future shifts with the tides of past and future. I can barely imagine a fluid past, but I cannot reason why it should be otherwise. It frightens me.

Science fiction is often written with the perspective that altering an existing timeline would be catastrophic. I have never before asked why this should be catastrophic, but now I do. I think the idea of altering my past is frightening because it would render memories mute. I am largely (if not wholly) defined by my memories. Altering them feels a terrifying loss of self. Just because I am afraid of a thing does not make the thing untrue.

I wonder how long the time that supports my consciousness will remain stable. Maybe it isn’t. Maybe this is all just a flash. At any rate, my attachment to myself is a clear bias, and I see that bias in much human thought, philosophy, and religion.

When one doesn’t trust their senses it’s hard to move beyond, “I think, therefore I am.” What am I?

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